Where has my social life gone? Todays event.

  When I first joined my secondary school, I actually had a social life. I would be out every weekend with friends. Off to see what's new in the shops, Play on the money-eating penny machines on the pier and just a chance to get away from my town. 
   Slowly my social life has been decreasing, until I only have a few weekends out shopping/getting away from the town every month. I know, "Loser" probably pops into your mind, it's also in mine too.
   Today was one of the days I managed to get out, thankfully away from the stress of coursework, sixth form and college choices. Although it was raining all day we still didn't mind as we went to celebrate one of my friends birthdays by going bowling. I haven't been bowling in years, now that I was going. I did admittedly enjoy every bit of it. 
    One indecent did happen though. Not going to lie when I say I almost cried. I had thrown the ball down the lane and from out of nowhere I saw another ball fly down the same lane. Questioningly I turned to find my friend with a smug, sly look plastered over her face. Instantly, I felt a challenge coming on and the next time it was her turn I was going to do it back to her. 
    As she went to bowl the ball down the lane, I came running behind her throwing the ball down the lane. However, the ball had slipped out my hand too early. It smacked the safety net and bounced into her leg. This ball was a medium ball - quite light but rock solid. - She let out a cry as she fell to the floor. Seeing that she was okay by her moans and groans and slightly rude, insulting words I soon joined her on the floor. I couldn't stop laughing, along with some of the others. After my injured friend got dragged my her feet off the lane we carried on with the bowling. I lost quite badly. Twice. No surprise really.
   Later that day we had got the bus back having stocked up on as much sweet food as we wanted. We soon arrived back in our town, thankfully the bus stopped right outside Costa. I love Costa. The aromas, the drinks, the pictures and the design all work so well together. 
   Sitting in Costa we chatted and tried on all the things we had purchased from Superdrug and Boots. After tragically putting on the lip tint wrong my phone had received a text. It was on loud and the ringtone was in my eyes a brilliant song. From the faces my friend pulled she completely disagreed. Maybe it's due to my horrible choice of ringtones that my social life is decreasing? Who knows.
~ Soph.

Is foundation going to cover up your personality?

   Why do you wear so much makeup? Is it to cover up that horrible pimple that may be lurking like a lurker on your chin, make your eyes seem bigger or brighter or have that "To die for" pout?
   Girls using makeup isn't going to make them shallow? Maybe it's due to their lack of confidence?

   Some people need to realize, however, that all the make up won't cover up your personality. People may see you on the outside as pretty and attractive. but once they get to know you, how will your looks match up to your personality? Will the bright colours suit the bubbly personality? Will the dark colours show that you are keeping something hidden or you even have a slight form of evilness? No, i'm not saying you may be the next "Evil queen" ready to feed snow white the poisoned sandwich as a backup plan, simply because the apple never worked in the beginning. Sometimes, you have to dig deeper to simply find the treasure you are hunting for. Good luck.
~ Soph.

My worst fear.

   One of my many fears is walking into a room, getting comfortable and then seeing a massive spider scuttle in front of you. Okay, so that isn't the worst bit, losing it is.
   I am one of the many people who hate/fear spiders. It started from quite an early age, when my dad found a spider right behind me. This wasn't a small spider about the size of a tea light, it was about the size of a small dog. I was petrified. I admit that I ran out as fast as I could, mainly because not only was my dad picking it up, he is the type of person that would run after you and put it on you.

   Ever since then if someone has a spider or one is in the room I will most likely scream at you, until you get it out of the house. Where as if I'm home alone and I see a spider, my new best friend turns into the Hoover. It seems like the easiest way of getting it away from me. I sound so cruel by putting it like that but it's better than having a whole colony of baby minion spiders around.
   Not going to lie in saying; my mothers fear of spiders seems 100% worse than mine and she always seems to get the worst events. Although I had two spiders on my bed before I went to sleep, she had a much worse event on one particular morning.
     Like every morning we would take our time to pick out what looks best for what day for her, so she looks smart, casual and approachable. We were going through what shoes might go with her brightly coloured dress. Slipping her feet into her perfect, black, matte shoes, she then started complaining about something inside her shoe. Normally, I would go do my make up as we had to leave in under 15 minutes. The complaining soon got so bad that she let out a shockingly high pitched scream. - This was a scream that could've woken up most of the town. Her complaints was due to a massive, fat spider wriggling in the bottom of her shoe. The horrible thing was that the spider then ran under her bed, the cat just watched it fly my with a smug look on its face. The screaming didn't stop there, we have never found the spider since. She hasn't worn the shoes nearly as much as she did before, I do not blame her.
   Now that I have wrote this, it's basically handing my worst fears over to the people who may dislike me. Oh well, have fun.
~ Soph.

Negative minds and positive thinkers

    Why is negativity normally over-powering our minds? We could constantly think we are too fat, too ugly, never good enough or always the person who comes last. I'm almost certain that we've all been there.                                 

     However, watching a clip on Youtube my thoughts changed completely. The clip was called "Never give up by Nick Vujicic" 

    So, I'm watching this clip that my mother's partner had found on Youtube. Being him I thought it would be a seriously old comedy that he loved to watch. Thundering down the stairs, I then stood next to him to see what he has found. The clip brought tears to my eyes and made me rethink what i'm like. Negative thoughts about myself isn't going to make me better or stronger? Spotting my flaws seemed nearly impossible to me until that clip had finished. 

    Within the Youtube video it showed him how he goes through his day to day jobs without any help. It honestly amazed me as to how positive he actually was. He even explained that when he fell over - to me it seemed nearly impossible that he couldn't get up without some help. However he proved me wrong. He got up with ease and after I was shocked. He explains that getting up was harder until he learned a way of doing it. It's a lot like putting yourself down, how are you going to get up after you hit rock bottom? Is someone else going to help you, or are you going to use your thoughts and fight to get back up onto your feet. 

    If I were to meet this man I would never want to leave his side. My curiosity would take over and I would want to find out all the stories and battles he did whilst he was growing up. 

    This man has probably changed the way I think completely within an hour. I have no doubt that anyone could've moved me in the way that he did. Hopefully you will find something like that to change your perspective on, not only yourself but the people around you aswell. If you have any spare time it might be worth the watch.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snDQe3tWwRQ
~ Soph.

Horse wonder.

    So, I've been thinking lately. Why have some of the younger generation games become so intense and Difficult. No, I'm not stupid.

     The other day I was so bored I was practically hitting my face with a keyboard and refreshing my homepage on Facebook, too many times I can't even begin to count now. By the side an advertisement popped up. Naturally me, being me, I clicked on it because I was curious. It was a horse game for the younger people who want their own virtual horse. Okay, it seemed to look interesting so I started it off going by the rules, learning the basics until I was left by myself. I had to help the horse grow. I fed it, gave it water, sleep and exercise. As soon as I got the hand of it and it started to grow I was soon able to take my horse on "Small rides up hills" and "Trots through the woods."
    I was actually, admittedly getting dragged into the game. Helping my horse to grow and be a healthy horse to ride. Just as I went to give it more water I got a notification at the bottom part of the screen on the game. Yes, it said "Your horse has been over worked too quickly therefore you have killed it." I'm a murderer. A virtual horse murderer. The guilt turned into confusion. The way they worded it seemed to be a bit brutal and harsh for younger children? Also, the fact that I failed at it, me being a 16 year old, means surely either they may find it impossible or I'm just terribly bad at games altogether. I would probably go with option two.
~ Soph.

Once in a lifetime experience; Tri camp and the hike.

   Tri camp is a camp for explorers or the scouts. I was one of the many that attended this camp and I have to say it was one of the most unbelievable, funny experience I've ever had. The Dutch explorers were so easy to talk to and open. The Swedish all seemed up for a banter and card games.

    One of the many things we had to go through was a two day hike in different groups of roughly 5-9 people. I will not lie. The walking was horrible, as any form of exercise along the lines of walking, running or jogging for too long will make me complain about 99.6% of the time. After walking for about 2-3 hours we then had to endure a bike ride through sand, tarmac and mud. We looked like we had jumped into a puddle and visited a beach all in one. After the bike ride we walked for about 2-3 more hours and got lost. Thankfully we had the Dutch people to help us or we would still be stuck in the woods wondering where the hell we are. Happily they picked us up because everyone seemed to be struggling with their hike. After making a camp out of a large sheet of plastic and poles we camped in the open. It was actually rather fun. Apart from the whole tent collapsing halfway through the night.. on the second day it took us a further 7-8 hours of walking through the woods. Getting back to camp seemed like the best option to me to a tent with not only my phone and music but the comforts of sleep.
      This experience is something that will be with me for a long time. The nights by the fire singing different songs, the food, the places we went, the games and the "Haunted midnight walk." - it was a chance to scare the scouts and some of the leaders, as you can tell I enjoyed it seeing everyone bring together their brilliant acting skills and my pretty terrible impersonation of an orphan and her twin, my friend. - Everything together just completed the camp and made it one of the most unique experiences.. that most of us will be grateful for being able to go though and be a part of.
~ Soph.

Destination: Turkey mountains. One of the limited journeys abroad.

    On this particular holiday I felt like a slag. I was walking around in not only very skimpy shorts but the fact that some of the tops covered them made it even worse. The reason why I felt so our of place was due to the village appearing extremely religious. The quiet village of Uzumlu. Mostly everyone would appear to be wearing knee length skirts or 3/4 length trousers, no shorter or you would appear to be frowned upon. A lot like a mouse within a city immersed in rats. - Stupid comparison, I know.

    The location, Environment and sights were beyond amazing. They were even breath taking on a few occasions. The beauty didn't stop coming. The mountains, the exotic and exquisite flowers, even the bugs. - Apart from that horribly huge spider, about the three times the size of your hand, scuttling at 105mph past you. losing it was a nightmare. The fact that it was outside kept us at ease, a little.

     The mountains. I could say so much about this one particular mountain that we drove up. Yes, we went in a little, old car. The car appeared to be struggling, I'm not surprised due to the way my mother's boyfriend manhandled it.

    So, imagine the biggest cliff near you and driving up a road on the edge of it. That's what we experienced. A near death moment. This was horrific for me and my mother, we are not and defiantly never, ever going to be adrenaline junkies. I'm even surprised now that we lived through that. The roads were so small and narrow that it seemed only three quarters of the car could actually fit on the road without struggling. Peering over the edge felt too dangerous to me, setting the car off balance could make us plunge to our deaths at the 3000 foot drop. No, the road didn't even have a fence. - not that that would make much difference. - Winding around the cliff edge felt so horrible, it even brings a nauseating feeling to me right now. Was it worth all the trauma? I would have to say yes. The sights were something you couldn't begin to imagine. Seeing the neighboring villages and cities in the near by valleys felt like something I can't even put into words. 

     After all the drama of getting up the top, having a look around and having tortoise that the stray dogs had brought to us and left by our feet, expecting us to throw them like sticks so they could retrieve them. We drove back down the mountain. Me, sitting on the inside as far away from the edge as possible helped me feel a little at ease. 

     However, at the end of the road near the bottom my mother and her partner had swapped. This was so my mother could drive around for the first time in Turkey. - She didn't have her licence abroad. - Slowly she turned us into our little villas driveway. It was so long and bumpy. Saying that my mother had been speeding down the driveway until her partner shouted at her to stop. Forcing her foot on the break and almost giving us all whiplash we came to a stop. He jumped out the car, obviously seeing something we had not observed, with our limited brain function after the trauma of the mountain roads fiasco and curiously my mother and I emerged. We soon discovered a massive tortoise in the road. It was only about the size of a kitchen table and my mother didn't see it. 

     After the holiday we are almost sure that not only do my mother and I need to be more observant we also need to be careful as to where her partner drives us. I do not want to be having a near death experience at the age of 16.
~ Soph.

Winter Perks and Downers - inc. Christmas bests and worsts.

    I'm all for winter. The cold crisp days biting and nibbling at your fingers and nose, the days getting shorter and darker. I love this time of the year, mainly when you can walk across the grass and hear the cracking and snaps under your feet in the morning. The best thing about this season is walking into a wall of heat as soon as you open the door to your house. I'm one of the 17% who have to suffer without heating in the house until my mother or her partner gets in. My heart goes out to the people who can't/don't have any heating.

   The perks about winter is knowing that Christmas is soon. It may be a little early to be even thinking about it but come on? I just turn into a child whenever I hear all the old Christmas songs playing on the radio and seeing the lights glow in the town. I'm always hoping for a white Christmas, saying this there's about a 6% chance it actually will. I mean it's England. We basically get Rain, Rain, Rain, Cloud, Sun, Rain.

   My life as a child near Christmas consisted of; cooking with mum, putting up the decorations, wrapping the presents my mother would've bought, going with the family to buy the tree and waking up early to eat all the chocolate on the tree. Yes, I was a greedy and occasionally selfish child. 

   Buying the tree was the best and the worst part out of everything. It was one of the worst due to the many repetitive yearly arguments about what tree is too big, too small, too fat, to bald, too odd looking and the definition of perfect. Yes, it matters what every tree may look like in your house. You don't want an odd looking, unfriendly tree sitting in the corner of the room, do you? - if yes, then you may want a lot of fairy lights and some cute small baubles. - The "Perfect tree" in our house is there to make the room have that warm, glowing feeling within the room. The "Perfect tree"(to us) seems like it's meant to make the statement in the room so it can be seen from the window. - I love seeing someones tree in the window. No, I don't go up to peoples windows and spy out the tree, I'm honestly not that weird. However, noticing the tree lit in the window as you are walking down the road just reminds you how beautiful that this season can actually be. 

    On "The Special day" I would say the best part is sitting down to dinner and eating the roast, that my auntie has lovingly created. - We would normally spend the evening around my aunts because she is simply the best cook and it's so much more homely there. - The dinner's always the best. The conversations flowing, the candles twirling around the table, the crackers popping and the terrible joke you hear every year but still manage to make you laugh. Hopefully it will be as magical as it normally is every year.
~ Soph.

The black hole under your bed.

   Losing something is one of the worst and probably most hated feelings ever. Whether you are young or old misplacing a favorite toy, shoe or lets admit it tweezers and remotes.
   Our household must have a secret black hole sucking and eating all the most important things to us. We have lost almost everything at least once. We've even forgotten where we put our phones - Leaving them on vibrate is the most unpleasant experience I had to endure whilst being at home. Hunting through the mess and the depths of my room was the worst. - So back on the subject of our household and it's own little black hole.
   I've lost my headphones. I know, tragic. I listen to music mostly all day, everyday. Losing my most prized, bright pink, pro bud headphones is now the most horrific experience I am going through today. The depression of getting so emotionally attached to something and then having it snatched away from under your nose is just horrible and once again depressing.
  Hunting high and low for my babies, I noticed something rather odd under my bed. Reaching to get this curious object I pulled out a small plastic duck. Yes, you read it right. A duck. This duck was not just a toy though. It was a duck that brought back quite a lot of memories. Mostly odd and pointless. This duck was from a Mcdonalds kiddies box. I think it's called a Happy Meal? Well, so this duck was called Rakkasox. - Inventive you see. No.. I won't go into a story about how the duck lost it's mother, blah, blah, blah.- This duck was pimped by me and one of my closest friends. We drew all over it stuck things onto it and stood it up to admire what invention we had created. This duck looked a lot like something related to Frankinstein, it could've even been it's pet for all you know. So, holding up this duck and examining all the odd and peculiar things attached to it, the memories came crashing back of the good ol' careless days of being young once again. Taking away the pain of losing my babies for about five minutes.
~Soph.

Why aren't you paying attention in class?

     So, my thoughts on "My future" I quite like the choices at my local, - well not quite local unless an hour away is classed as local - College. I enjoyed the choices of doing; Travel and Tourism/Airline crew, Performing arts, stage management and Law. However looking at my schools sixth form tonight caused me to get an eye opener; about the many overpowering choices there actually are. I looked around and noticed that I could try something new and no, I probably had never even heard them before. So, seeming as I had four choices to make I looked around for new subjects.
     Scanning the halls and walls, many twisting and turning corridors I noticed these three subjects: Sociology, Psychology and Philosophy&Ethics. What would you think about this?
     I love the debate about anything and getting my point across. I will forcefully/verbally fight anyone into the corner so they have to give in and agree with me. Normally, I will stay quite reserved until I know the person well enough. Mainly so they won't get insulted that I may not agree with them. - Sorry if you are one of the victims that may have had the blunt end of me debating with you.
    If you are in my position, I defiantly think you should debate and choose what you love best. Knowing that at sixth form you will still have the chance of doing two years or even three years - if you are lucky - and the add on of a year at college. You may think education is hideous and vile. It is until you get to have the control of what you want to do. It's also how you like to interpret the way you would like to learn. Choosing the subjects that may suit your skill be it: Singing, dancing, painting, photography, Business, debating or even English, Science or Maths. It's vital that you choose what you enjoy best not what you think may suit you in the future because if you don't like the subject then what use will that make, you may just get bored and dream about unicorns fighting numbers - I don't do this, just before you get that in your mind. - I defiantly think you need to concentrate as much as possible to your core subjects. They will be most useful to getting you into your desired course in the future
~Soph.

The Dreaded Thought of Being Judged.

     Mostly anyone would be lying if they said "I don't care what people think of me." Inside you know you want to be the next person to walk down the street with hundreds of small, invisible tickets of confidence stuck up your sleeve, waiting for a chance to just burst in peoples faces. You may be disagreeing and looking at the computer like "What the hell is she on about?" But you wear 'Up to date' clothes that don't clash, make up, style your hair or even go to the extremes and name yourself "Indie" etc.
     I always go through mini panic attacks. The thought of being judged and having sly comments sliding down behind my back. People say "society is the problem." No. Society is not the problem. Everyone judges people on what they appear like.
     The man on the street sitting in the doorway with a blanket selling magazines, Hobo? The 15 year old girl with a baby, slut? I would highly doubt it. The man in the doorway may be posing as a "Hobo" he may be quite well off where his money is concerned. He may not even care about material goods or money. Someone mentioned something to me the other day; People who have a lot of money may pose as a "Hobo" to have a different view on life and think about the challenges people may have. The 15 year old girl with the baby? She could've been raped. Not down the deep, dark, demonic alley ways. Maybe it was by her boyfriend. She could've said no repeatedly.
     I will try not to judge, saying that, when I see someones bag that just reaches to be in my clasp, I will comment on it. Not negative, - it's not like they will start to cry and hand me the bag to get the "Hideous thing" off them so I can flaunt it around. What's the point? - You may as well say something positive to make their day not only better, but it will give someone something to be happy and grateful about.
~Soph.

Movies and occurring thoughts.

      We all have seen the one perfect movie that we want to compare our life to. I'm forever wishing my life was as perfect as theirs. Well, apart from the horror films. There's nothing I would dread more than everyone being "Zombies" or being haunted by the ghost, even the grudge.
      I am forever acting like a child, running thoughts and situations that may never happen but I am forever hoping that one day they will.
       Currently I am hoping that my life magically turns into something along the lines of Peter Pan or even The Princess Diaries. Having no worries about growing older in the future and making silly choices seems simply bliss. Neverland, in my eyes, seems like paradise. The place where you can do what you want, when you want. However, Having a life like The Princess Diaries seems even more convenient and amusing. Imagine finding that one relative you never even knew to be the queen of an island. I'm sure all of you would agree with me in thinking the first thing I would do is build either a fort or have the cook make you the most finest of feasts just for one. Then having someone cut your hair into the best possible stylish cut with sleek colour. Imagine waking up in the massive bed that you would have and the first thing you see is the range of elegant clothing and selection of shoes near your wardrobe.
       I know, I dream to much and my thoughts get carried away. Haven't you ever noticed that in movies they always look perfect without even trying their hardest. It's almost like they get out of bed ready to go on the runway in just their Pajamas. I look like I've just had an electric shock because of the way my hair stands on end. - The dreaded bed hair. I know they have their own makeup artist and hair stylist so they get that; "Perfect just out of bed look with a hint of Goddess on the side." My jealousy is almost too much to handle. I'm sure.. I'm not the only one saying that I envy some of their looks. We all know that one celebrity that you just want to be for a day. In my case it would either be: Megan Fox or Cameron Diaz. They are both perfect. I can't begin to imagine what their day to day life would be like.
        This may sound stupid and almost seems a bit fangirlish, however I'm almost certain that there is someone you are thinking of right now that you would like to be even just for the day.
~Soph.

Life and imagery. - My point of view as a 16 year old.

     Well, life as a 16 year old you would think is just like the movies, out all night with friends partying, drinking, sleeping.. anything but studying/work/exams. You're wrong. It's the complete opposite in some cases - Unless you are one of those people who gets invited to every party going, but some aren't that lucky. - The stress from exams takes over any form of social life you have and eats away at your so called "Social skills." Until you are one of the nerds cooped up in your room constantly battling your keyboard to get all your homework or course work in on the deadline.
     However the things you learn are vital for the "Future you" and  "The Future you" will hopefully be as determined as you think you are now. You have to get into the rhythm of fighting for a steady well paying job until you find one that you actually enjoy, or even just a part time one so you can earn a reasonable amount of money to buy things that you may not need but defiantly want, without the pain and dread of disappointing your family. I know, most of us have been there and not felt good enough. Sometimes you just have to go ahead with things and fight for what you think you may enjoy.
     In my case, taking Performing arts, stage management, Law and the Airline courses at college. - I may not be able to choose all of them but I can't make my mind up at the moment. - Obviously, my mother does not approve of what I enjoy, however I am determined and have my mind set on proving her wrong. Even thinking about it makes me want to curl up in a ball and hide forever. My mother is always, always right. By her thinking something won't be good for me, I find the challenge acceptable until I mix things up and she uses the line nobody ever wants to hear "I told you so and did you listen to me?" "No, of course I didn't listen to you because I wanted to be the one to prove you wrong." I would never usually say that but the thought of it always runs around my head. - The reason why I wouldn't say that.. is because I don't like the thought of causing a whole family argument. Yes, a whole family argument. When something happens in our household everyone enjoys the good, old banter and argument. - But, there are the odd occasions I do prove her wrong. - Normally it's something to do with camping when she can't put up the tent. - (Just so you know my mum can be pretty awesome when she would like to be, normally in front of my friends)
     I know for a fact I'm not the only one this happens to. The challenge of fighting a war against your parents to do what you want to do is never ending. But once you show them that you want to learn new things for yourself without the thought of "Messing up."

     Relaxing into the routine of doing things for yourself and making your mistakes for yourself actually sounds quite good to me. The thought of getting up out of bed in your own flat. Eating your own food. Going in your own car to your job. That sounds a bit stupid to you but the thought makes my heart skip.
~Soph.

Blogs

So the thought of making my own blog seemed like extra work or even more homework that I have stacked by my bed. - The thoughts of doing it makes my mind want to shrivel up and die. Surprisingly now that we are the older ones in the school the teachers have laid off a bit. - So, I took time to make my own blog and vent the unknown feelings and opinions even I never knew I had. So pretty much I will be writing about what I enjoy, hate and other situations you may have come across. So, yeah. Enjoy.
~Soph.